Know when you were a kid and your two best friends crushed your heart by refusing to play with you? Pointedly excluding you from some fun they were having?
Like building Lego robots that would travel to the moon and battle the evil moon overlord or some such thing.
So slinking away sad and crushed, you decide to make your own fun despite how bummed they made you feel.
Then the next hour/day/week you are all besties again – the three of you conquering the land of make believe. Together.
Well, right now my daughter is playing favourites, and Daddy is not the chosen one.
She’s been a mama’s girl since she was born, but right now it’s peaking to a new level.
Back then DH could understand it a bit more. After all, DD spent the majority of her first year of life attached to me in some way. Breastfeeding, co-sleeping, snug in a sling or carrier…you get the idea.
As much as DH understands why DD prefers her mama, it still breaks his heart. Especially since DD doesn’t specifically need her mom to help colour, or tie her shoes or whatever. Yet when DH tries to help he gets a, “No! Mommy do it!”
DD doesn’t act like this with her Daddy all the time (see incredibly cute photo below), but it’s enough times to make the rejection hurt a bit.
Certainly, if the situation was reversed it would crush me. So we make it a point to ensure Daddy is included in the fun. Mommy ties one shoe. Daddy the other. Mommy colours with DD but Daddy colours too.
I keep telling DH the day will come when DD won’t want anything to do with me. It will be all about Daddy taking DD to the park, helping her with homework, teaching her to drive.
Then it will be me standing on the sidelines hoping an extra robot is needed to overthrow the evil moon overlord.
11 Responses to “Feeling left out”
Nancy
Same happens here to a lesser degree. Mommy kisses seem to heal bonks and bumps better. Like you, we try to ensure that Daddy gets included as much as possible.
melgallant
The nice thing is that when it comes to playing tag and chasing games, Daddy is “the fun” parent. That makes DH feel a bit better.
Emma
Tell him not to worry, Mummy will be evil soon enough! They go back and forth through phases, it can also be hard on Mummy to always be the one on call, at least Daddy gets a break ; ) Neirin is only just coming out of his Mummy phase and he is nearly 3! You have years ahead in which to enjoy the immortal ‘You just don’t understand!’ meaning of course that you understand a little too well…
melgallant
Oh Emma…your words are so true…so true. 🙂
Tracey
Both my girls were definite Mommy’s Girls for their first years. My youngest would reach for me when anyone else held her, and would even cry. Let me assure you-it does indeed change. Both, around age 6 switched to Daddy’s girls. My now 8 year old is ALL about Daddy-unless she’s sick or hurt. The good news is, my 12 year old is back to Mommy. 🙂 I think it’ll continue to fluctuate…which both breaks our hearts but also gives us a bit of breathing room til the next round. 🙂 And, that picture is totally adorable.
melgallant
Hi Tracey, good point about the breathing room. At least there’s that. It gives you time to cry – LOL. 🙂
Alicia
Aww. We’ve haven’t hit this phase yet, but what I do get to experience more often is temper tantrums that magically disintegrate when Daddy walks in the the room 🙂
melgallant
Alicia, now that is interesting. I wish that happened in our house! Alas, temper tantrums happen regardless of which parent is present. 😉
Adrienne
The photo says it all, really. When a dad loves a daughter, she will always find her way to him…and the security he is building in her by being ever-present, gentle and open armed…well, that she will carry with her always.
melgallant
Oh Adrienne, I’m going to make sure DH reads your comment. You are so right!
ayala
I love the photo and I feel the way Adrienne does…she will find her way to him.