I just don’t get it


I seem to be a bit unmotivated of late. Not sure if it’s the changing seasons, lack of sleep or basic ennui that is the root cause.

All I want to do is escape into a book. I don’t want to knit, write, cook or talk to people (uh ya, my husband has noticed).

Reading has always been my escape. Even as a young child.

  • Example: when my parents would ground me for my disobedience or blatant disregard for house rules, I secretly squealed with a glee. You mean a whole week to sit in my room and read? Sigh…okay mom and dad. That uh…sucks…I guess.

To this day, reading is my favourite past time. When it finally reaches that point in the day (usually late evening) that I can sit down uninterrupted to read, I’m in bliss.

But I want to know why reading is the only thing I want to do of late. Why everything else seems like so much effort.

Maybe its trepidation about the holiday rush-rush madness that will soon descend. Maybe it’s the recent time change (*pause in typing to shake fist at Daylight Savings proponents*)

Maybe I just suck as a person right now.

Whatever the cause, I don’t get it. Because life is good. Risking the announcer’s curse: family is healthy; family is happy. Work is busy but interesting. My friends are hilarious, supportive and generous. My Sweet Girl is my sweet girl.

Yes, life is good. I’m simply off my game. Or maybe just off my rocker.

Do you get like this sometimes? How do you combat it? I feel like I should make myself go and do the stuff I don’t feel like doing. Kick myself in the pants to kick-start my motivation. Think it’ll work?

What is my problem?

12 Responses to “I just don’t get it”

  1. Emmalina

    Ummmm….ok so is reading bad?! It may not be externally productive (i.e. something to show others) but it has a profound affect on the internal landscape. I don’t think we always have to do, sometimes we need to think, reflect, ponder. It sounds like you are going through a more reflective period, in internal reorganisation or perhaps you’re simply working on some thoughts and ideas that you aren’t really ready to share. This can be enormously creative and not something to worry about. Maybe pay attention to what you are reading, is there a theme? Is there something that could give you a clue as to what your subconscious is ‘working on’? We accept it when our children go through different incarnations, why not ourselves? My thought would be to fully be where you are and see what you learn from it, maybe it’s just time to stand still for a while ; ) xxx

    • Melany Gallant

      Emma – you’re the best. Love how you reference “the internal landscape”. Maybe that’s what it is…a need to reflect on things, figure out what my subconscious is working on. And ya, maybe I just need to stand still for a while.

  2. Darlene

    We’re all suffering from it right now, I feel the same way Mel. Things are awesome, but I feel blah… who nows?! Just get yourself and your sista out for seafood ont he 23rd, TELL her thats what you’re doing, it will do us all good. We need each other once in a while to kickstart our spirits and connect in the only way moms can… over wine 😉

  3. Karen

    I once read a book a day for a year (I was unemployed or doing part-time contracts that year). I rarely slept and then I watched Oprah one day when a woman was on who did nothing but read and she was seriously depressed. And the lightbulb went off. I watch out for that now and know when I’m starting to slide into the depression because that’s all I want to do. Of course, that’s me, but I think it could just be the weather, change of seasons, a little bit of blueness in this time of year. It’s been such a strange transition this fall. The leaves lasted so long. Then within a couple days…gone. Poof. Not that it’s different from any other year, but still.
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    • Melany Gallant

      Karen, a book a day for a year? Whoa! Holy fast reader, Batman!

      I’ve contemplated whether it’s depression but I don’t think it is. At least not directly. I know I feel bogged down…and so ya I want to escape. But I don’t feel depressed. Then again, maybe I can’t recognize it in myself? Or I’m in denial. Hrm…further reflection required. Could just be I’m in a slump.

      Oh and you’re right; it has been a strange transition to fall this year!

  4. Lynn

    I’m in the same place right now – just general ennui and malaise. I used to love November – it’s my birthday month and Christmas is coming, the first snow falls, all is good. I find though, as I age, this time change gets harder and harder – I feel the cold more, and the dark in the evening starts to feel oppressive, not cozy. Maybe this is what they mean by midlife crisis?

    In any case, I’m hoping some retail therapy (I do love shopping for Christmas presents – at least before the nuttiness of December hits) and some Christmas tunes will snap me out of it. Let me know if you find the magic solution yourself!
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    • Melany Gallant

      Lynn, I’m late responding to you – apologies! I’ve been known to partake in a little retail therapy…perhaps I should indulge! (for um…others of course. Ahem.)

  5. Rachelle

    Lots of pressure seems to come this time of year – – self imposed or outside push. I’ve felt the same malaise of late and am hoping to get out of the emotional rutt soon. As for reading as escape? Right there with you. I cherish the time I can sit with a book and disappear (although with kids it seems to only happen locked away in a restroom). A hug for you Mel, and if you’re off the rocker, rock it from the floor…
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    • Melany Gallant

      Hi Rachelle,

      I guess maybe it’s this time of year? In any case, I’ll do as you suggest and ‘rock it from the floor.’ 🙂

  6. Lizzie

    Oh man…I know the feeling. I get in productivity freak out modes where I feel like disappearing into [whatever it is, often books for me too] isn’t productive … but maybe you’re responding to a productivity overload? I don’t have children, so I won’t pretend to know what a cute little human requires in terms of energy to keep it all together — but I can only imagine that you’re a productive MACHINE all the time, no?

    And life is about more than your output, you know?

    Reading enriches your mind and makes you a more well-rounded person … it gives you perspective like exercise for your brain … that’s plenty productive.

    I know this post is a little bit dated by now, but I am guessing you’ll be back here again — feeling similar, maybe with something else … and the fact that disappearing into reading is the worst you have to offer when you’re feeling “out of it” is fantastic, you get high fives for that, not judginess.

    I know lots of people who disappear into a couch or away from life altogether when they are feeling out of place.

    So keep up the good work. Even when you’re down, you’re up! 🙂
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