I got ’em. Chances are you do too. Those instances that have tangled your best intentions into messy parenting scenes.
Tears and yelling on all sides. Hurt feelings and frustration that leaves you wishing for a rewind. A do-over where you’ll take a breath. Moderate your words. Keep your voice calm.
Instead, the aftermath leaves you questioning what the hell just happened?
It’s not Sweet Girl. It’s not circumstance. The blame lies in me. Because I’m the grown-up. The one who should have the control to not let the little things get to me.
I grew up in a house where people yelled at each other. I know I didn’t like it. I don’t want my girl growing up in that kind of environment. Talk about zero fun.
A few weeks ago I stumbled, literally stumbled, across this site and it was exactly what I needed. It’s called The Orange Rhino and it follows one mother’s goal to not yell at her children for 365 days.
We all lose our cool as parents. I get that, I do. What I want to be cognizant of is why. So I can recognize my triggers and stop the knee-jerk reaction. Or run-away until I can (thank goodness for locks on bathroom doors).
So why am I letting the little things get to me? Who cares about laundry to fold? The million tasks on the to-do list? I’d much rather be focused on what my daughter needs from me in that moment before she gets lost in a tantrum. Is she tired/hungry/frustrated/bored? How can I help her?
Just as important, how can I help myself? So I’m going to do what Heather at Literary Mama suggests:
Let go, Mama. Sit here with me. It’s a struggle. So we’ll struggle and we’ll struggle and we will make a lot of mistakes, together. And then we’ll be okay.
Sounds good to me.
Yes, we all make mistakes in parenting. I believe parenting well means owning up to them.
What have you struggled with in parenting? How have you overcome it?
4 Responses to “My bad mother moments”
The Orange Rhino
LOVE IT! Especially the parenting well means owning up to mistakes.
The Orange Rhino recently posted..Day 18: What’s your Favorite Alternative to yelling?
Thank you! The owning up to mistakes part also helps me to remember I’m only human, and not a “perfect mom”.
Despite knowing that Brandon is not intending to do things to frustrate or upset me, I can get pretty impatient with him – often for no apparent reason other than my own hurry to do this or be there. I’m making more of an effort to be mindful that – even in situations where I truly need to move things along – I have to have some patience. He doesn’t understand and losing patience certainly doesn’t help matters.
Karen recently posted..On the road to "home"
Karen, I so know what you mean about getting impatient because of “other pressures”, like do this/be there. I’m working harder at being more in the now with my daughter and less in the “once this is done, I need to get this finished/call this person/get this task finished.” Not easy…